You’re not alone!
Highly sensitive people (HSPs) are thought to make up approximately 20-30% of the population. Of these, 70% are introverted, with the rest being extroverts and ambiverts. HSPs can also be high sensation seekers, though this trait is less common. These figures may underestimate the true prevalence of high sensitivity due to challenges in recognition and measurement.
Unveiling high sensitivity
Elaine Aron, who has been researching high sensitivity since the 1990s, describes it as “an innate operating style of the nervous system.” This means it has been present since birth and affects many areas of life, not just specific situations or events. This generalisability helps distinguish it from anxiety or trauma, which are usually related to specific triggers.
Highly sensitive people, or those with sensory processing sensitivity, are more attuned to subtleties in their external environments and internal experiences. Research has found that HSPs have more activated mirror neurons, enhancing their empathy and ability to read others’ emotions.
Four main traits of high sensitivity
- Depth of processing
- HSPs think and reflect deeply about themselves, others, and the world. Their high empathy levels allow them to sense what others feel, sometimes making it hard to distinguish their own emotions from those they absorb. They can intuitively understand unspoken feelings through subtle cues.
- Overstimulation
- HSPs can become easily overwhelmed by their surroundings, especially in social situations or during performances. This can lead to increased anxiety and overarousal due to their deep processing of thoughts and feelings.
- Emotional intensity
- HSPs experience more extreme emotional reactions to events, making them more susceptible to distress but also allowing them to find joy in simple pleasures. Their heightened emotional responses along with deeper attunement to others further amplifies their tendency to feel easily criticised and hurt.
- Sensory sensitivity
- HSPs are highly aware of subtleties in their internal and external environments, reacting strongly to sounds, smells, lights, touch, and expressions. They often have a lower pain threshold and heightened sensitivity to substances like caffeine and alcohol, but they also have a greater appreciation for art, music, and nature.
How sensitive are you?
If you recognize these traits in yourself or others, there are various free self-tests you can take on Elaine Aron’s website to see where you fall on the sensitivity spectrum. TAKE A HSP TEST HERE
Researchers have recently produced a new test measuring six subscales of high sensitivity, breaking it down into positive and negative factors. The Sensory Processing Questionnaire demonstrates how scoring highly on positive factors leads to more resilience and fewer symptoms, whereas scoring highly on negative factors means less resilience and more symptoms. Get a detailed understanding of the different facets of your sensitivity by taking the Sensory Processing Sensitivity Questionnaire (SPS-Q).
Challenges faced by HSPs
Our ability to cope with stress depends on our genetic make up and the level of stress we have been exposed to over our lives, even extending to the stress hormones we absorb from our mothers when we are in utero. This dictates the size of our ‘window of tolerance’ and how much stress we can handle before we feel over or under-aroused.
HSPs, because of their higher reactivity to adverse life events, often have a smaller window of tolerance for stress. This means they become overwhelmed and anxious or shut down more quickly.
Many HSPs feel misunderstood from an early age and can be told they are too shy, too touchy, or should behave differently. This can lead to confusion, shame, and a belief that something is wrong with them, resulting in hypervigilance to criticism or rejection.
In relationships, HSPs can struggle to assert their own needs and can have extreme ways of dealing with perceived hurts or conflicts. This can include becoming overly apologetic, avoiding conflict completely or pushing others away to protect themselves. Due to their depth of processing they often overanalyse their interactions with others and ruminate on difficulties in their relationships. Over time, this may contribute to unhelpful beliefs about the other person, which can trigger feelings of frustration and resentment. Once stuck in this way of thinking, it can be difficult to see a way out.
HSPs often crave meaningful connections and purposeful vocations due to their deeper levels of processing and feeling. When these needs are not met, they can feel unfulfilled, lost, and empty. They may struggle with decision-making, get bored with small talk, feel easily confused, and have difficulty concentrating. Their sense of dissatisfaction can lead to changing jobs more frequently contributing to a sense of not achieving as much as their non-sensitive peers who may progress more steadily in their roles.
The coping paradox
How we learn to cope with painful emotions, thoughts and beliefs usually comes from observing how those around us cope with their issues when we are younger. If we have not witnessed effective self-soothing strategies in our caregivers or been sufficiently soothed by them, we will find it more difficult to soothe ourselves and may fail to learn healthy ways of expressing our emotions and understanding our fears.
We may even learn that expressing our emotions creates more tension and conflict, or leads to punishment, or disappointment when our needs cannot be met. As a result we may learn to hide, or distract ourselves from our emotions. Often these strategies provide short-term relief, but in the long term, can reinforce the feelings we are trying to avoid.
The coping styles of HSPs can include masking their sensitivities or pleasing others at the expense of their own needs (I go into this topic in more depth in my article on people-pleasing and HSPs) shutting themselves away, avoiding difficult situations, taking substances, drinking alcohol, eating too much or throwing themselves into work.
Over time, these behaviors can damage their self-worth and relationships, perpetuating low self-esteem and feelings of unworthiness. This can trigger a cycle of perfectionism and striving that becomes exhausting and unattainable, increasing stress and potentially leading to burn out. Furthermore, the tendency in HSPs to overanalyse and ruminate on their situation can lead to self-criticism, guilt, shame and resentment, exacerbating low mood and anxiety.
Navigating life as a HSP can be challenging at times especially if you have had difficult childhood experiences or not had the right kind of support to help you understand and accept your trait. Given the right conditions however, HSPs have massive potential for personal growth and psycho-spiritual development.
One of the first things you can do to begin to embrace the strengths of your trait and start feeling more connected with your true self is to build in regular daily habits to protect your energy. Discover 40 simple strategies to help you protect your energy in my free guide.
Sensitive strengths
HSPs have been shown to have differential susceptibility to the effects of their environment. While they are more affected by adverse events, they thrive more in positive, nurturing environments. The ability of HSPs to gain more from supportive interventions has been termed vantage sensitivity. This means that with the right input, HSPs have greater capacity for post-traumatic growth, where their painful experiences can become a healing catalyst for unlocking profound transformation.
Providing optimal conditions helps HSPs maximise their vantage sensitivity, realise their true potential and embrace the strengths that make them the unique individuals they are.
As well as this potential for greater transformations following challenges, other common HSP strengths include empathy, intuition, compassion, creativity, deeper perspectives, vivid inner worlds, and spiritual connections. Unfortunately, these qualities are often undervalued or discouraged in societies that favour achievement, competition, hierarchy and extroversion.
As a coach for highly sensitive people, I create a healing and containing space where my clients can discover and embrace their unique strengths, aligning their lives with their deeper, authentic purpose. I have made it my mission to help HSPs bring their unique strengths into a world that is in dire need of more balance, joy, creativity and harmony.
Steps to embrace your sensitivity
HSPs have an amazing ability to think, sense, and feel more deeply than those who are less sensitive. This can become overwhelming and lead to many challenges; however, it can also foster greater joy, love, gratitude and compassion. I truly believe that given the chance to shine, HSPs have massive potential to tip the balance and help bring about a more harmonious, peaceful, and healthy world.
This is why I am determined to help create the conditions for transformation and to champion the hidden strengths of sensitivity. Within my coaching sessions, I provide a healing space and open awareness to allow my clients to achieve a deeper level of processing that paves the way to unearthing their inner strengths and wisdom.
Being highly sensitive myself, I have walked the path you are on. I am still learning and growing every day, and I know it can be tough. I am here to be your gentle and nurturing guide, to walk every step of the way with you.
If you would like to know more book in for a free chat, and let’s see if we’d be a good match to work together.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Sally
